If you had a dream in which you had sex with your boss, stranger or best friend, do not hurry to panic and think that something is wrong with you. Most often erotic dreams are not related to a particular person or our orientation. They only reflect unexpressed emotions and hidden desires, as well as provide clues to the resolution of current problems.
According to Laurie Levenberg, a professional dream analyst and author of Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams, Change Your Life, erotic dreams are completely normal and should not be shamed. What’s more, they may contain signals from our subconscious mind that — if interpreted correctly — can help us understand how to change our lives to be happier.
“The main thing to remember when trying to decipher your erotic dream: its meaning most likely lies not in the physical, but in the psychological plane,” says the expert. — If you really want to sleep with a certain person in real life, you already know it. You don’t need an erotic dream to realize it.
So, if you have a loved one, but one night you wake up from a dream about having rough sex with a French teacher, don’t question your love for your partner. “Sex in a dream most often indicates your desire to connect with some inner aspect of this person. For example, to adopt a trait or behavioral characteristic of that person,” explains Lauri Levenberg.
In this article we will look at the most popular erotic dream scenarios and their meanings.
Cheating on a partner
When we are in a relationship with a certain person for a long time, we get used to them, and our attentiveness and critical thinking are dulled. Perhaps this is why some women married for 15–20 years, so much surprised when they catch their husband with a mistress (even more surprised when they learn that the cheating spouse had a systematic nature). How did they not notice anything before? In fact, of course they did. At a subconscious level. But they did not want to admit it to themselves.
A dream in which your partner spends a passionate night with another woman may be a signal that you ignore “clues” in life; you turn a blind eye to tiny evidence of your lover’s infidelity. Another interpretation is that you are experiencing insecurity in your relationship with your partner, even if in reality he is faithful to you. If you dreamed such an erotic dream, it may be worth initiating a frank conversation with your lover to discuss your fears and doubts
However, a dream in which you have sex with another man does not necessarily mean that you are unhappy in a relationship. “If you dream about cheating on your significant other, it’s not at all an indication that you’ll do it in real life,” says dream analyst Chris Brantner. — It might not have crossed your mind at all. So there’s no need to feel guilty about anything. Provided, of course, that you haven’t cheated in reality.” Take this dream as an opportunity to work on your relationship. Ask yourself the question: What am I missing? What makes me want to dream about someone else?
Sex in which you dominate
According to M.A. and psychologist Kadyn Katers, any dreams involving control issues (excessive dominance or showing aggression) indicate existing problems in reality, dissatisfaction with your position in relationships with others. For example, you can not confront your boss at work, you are shy to express your own opinion, you do not feel respect for yourself in the team. All this leads to a dangerous suppression of emotions, prevents your self-expression. In this case, a dream where you dominate sex (and you like it) is a direct indication that you need to change your line of behavior. Finally, become visible and bold, because subconsciously you are striving for it.
If dominate you, it may indicate that you are too self-critical, strict with yourself. Perhaps you should loosen your control and allow yourself to be non-ideal, but happy.
Sex with someone
inappropriate/inappropriate
Sex with your partner’s brother or sister? With a coworker or best friend? These people may seem like highly inappropriate objects of sexual fantasy, because a relationship with them shouldn’t cross that line in reality. But what does it mean if our sleeping brain shows us such erotic subjects anyway? “It’s the mind’s way of releasing feelings, analyzing temptations, processing them appropriately,” says psychiatrist and clinical psychologist Nancy Irwin. To get to the bottom of the dream, ask yourself: what parallel can I draw in real life with this picture/person? What events/situations evoke similar emotions in me? “Our brain’s job is to make associations, connect the dots and understand the world,” adds Irwin.
Sex with an ex
This is one of the most common scenarios of erotic dreams. However, it can be interpreted in different ways — depending on your personal life circumstances. “Sometimes when an ex-partner appears in our dreams, we wonder if it might be a sign that he’s my true soul mate and I should rethink our breakup.” — says psychologist and sexologist Rhonda Milrad. But luckily, it’s much simpler than that.
“Most likely, his image appeared in your subconscious because something reminded you of him in real life,” explains the expert. For example, you received a notification from Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia) about last year’s memory (with photos of your joint vacation); when cleaning your apartment you accidentally found a thing belonging to a former partner; or the day before you went to the restaurant where your first date with him took place. So a man from the past was in your subconscious, and then — in an erotic dream. In short, such a dream does not carry any important message.
However, there is one exception: if after an erotic dream you can not get your ex out of your head — this is a reason to seriously think or even consult a psychologist to understand what unresolved problems make you return to the previous page of your life; seek comfort in what you can not return. Perhaps you are not satisfied with the sex in your current relationship or you feel very lonely. This is something you should talk to a professional about. But certainly not with your ex
Sex with a celebrity
Each of us can name a celebrity that he considers really ‘hot. ‘ Certainly, this person seems attractive to you. You may have even fantasized about him during sex. But when he shows up in your erotic dreams, it’s not further proof of your crush,” says Rhonda Milrad. Surprisingly, “more often than not, dreams about having sex with someone famous reflect our own desire to feel special and important in the world, to draw attention to ourselves,” explains the expert. — This may be because we don’t feel attractive and bright enough in everyday life.”
Sex in a public/unusual place
If you dream that you are having sex in a public place where you can be “caught” by strangers — in a park, car or dormitory — it does not mean that you have a subconscious urge for exhibitionism. “On the contrary, this type of dreaming is directly related to feelings of vulnerability, shyness and exposure to others,” says Rhonda Milrad. Here again, it’s worth trying to draw parallels with real life. “You may worry about your racy/unpleasant secret being revealed and others changing their opinion of you,” explains the expert. These worries are reflected in dreams where you have sex at the risk of being caught.
A dream where you have a vivid sexual experience in the kitchen or bathroom can also have symbolic meaning. The bathroom is associated with cleansing and renewal (a particular area of life where you need to relax and let go of a situation), the kitchen with preparing something new that will nourish you both physically and psychologically (such as a new project at work). The image of your partner in the dream, his most striking features will give a clue about what qualities you need to show yourself to succeed in this endeavor.
Sex with a stranger
If you dreamed about sex with a stranger or a person whom you practically do not know in real life, try to remember his distinctive features. What particularly stood out about the character from this dream? “Maybe he was very muscular,” says Lauri Levenberg. — If a particular feature stands out in the person from your dream, that’s what it is. For example, muscles represent your own strength, your ability to cope with difficult situations in life.” Finally, sex with a stranger can be a signal of your high libido; an inner sexual energy that is demanding but not getting an outlet
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