When you read an interesting book, the most intense moment is the last pages. You can't wait to find out how it ends, but you want to prolong the pleasure. A good work can be stretched indefinitely. So why do we think that the best part of sex is the end?
Orgasm is undoubtedly important (as is a happy ending in a book), but obsessing over its achievement can be the main reason that prevents a full release from happening. This, of course, is more true for women, but in the race for a fairy-tale ending, something very important is lost for both partners. Turning lovemaking into a routine according to a hackneyed script, where there is neither true intimacy nor pleasure.
Together with Natalia Lugova, sexologist, author of Woman's mainstay practice, participant of the Mindfullness program (University of Oxford), we will analyze 7 subtle nuances that need to be taken into account so that the quality of sex only increases every year.
Both partners are able to talk freely about what they want in each moment of intimacy
One of the most destructive beliefs in relationships: "He(she) can sense for himself(her) exactly what I want and how to make me feel good. And if he still has no clue, then we're not right for each other!" In reality, the ability to speak clearly and kindly about one's desires is characteristic of an adult. We will have to admit that the partner is not a psychic and his duties do not include reading thoughts. Perfect mutual understanding, wordless reading each other is the result of several years of open and frank conversations about their needs, fantasies and desires
Everything is not limited to the genitals.
It's tempting to start with the clitoris or the head of the penis to stimulate more intensely and get a quicker release. But there are many erogenous zones on the human body, which are literally stuffed with nerve endings that read and transmit information about touch to the brain. That is, it is the organ that eventually gives the command to produce hormones of happiness, love and affection. Thus, caresses, hugs, gentle touches and stimulation of erogenous zones all over the body is a way to make the relationship deeper and more meaningful on all levels, including hormonal.
There is no need to imitate
This is an inherently bad habit, no matter what good motive moves a woman. Imitation of orgasm is inevitably, but not unambiguously read by a man. On a conscious level, he sees that the partner has reached the peak of pleasure, it means that everything is good, there is no need to make additional efforts, ask what she wants - naturally, with this approach, the quality of sex will not develop. And subconsciously the man feels the falsity, and the relationship begins to wallow in lies, which creates more and more tension. If a woman does not yet experience orgasm, there are more environmentally friendly ways to fix it: sex toys, intimate gymnastics, work with a sexologist. Yes, and in general, not every sexual act is obliged to end with discharge. And the more calmly partners perceive it, the more opportunities for pleasure and satisfaction in intimacy they discover for themselves
Sex is getting better and better every year
Many couples fall victim to stereotypes that passion wanes over the years, and hot desire is possible only in the first years (or even months) after acquaintance. In reality, this is not true at all. If the partners do not indulge themselves with thoughts that they already know everything about their beloved. If they realize that each person is constantly changing and continue to study each other with interest, sex becomes only brighter, fuller and brings more and more joy. Because true desire is a consequence of respect for the person whose growth and transformation you have watched, whose power has unfolded before your eyes. And that is why true desire is possible only in long-term relationships, not in casual short-term relationships.
Refusal of sex does not turn into a reason to quarrel and resentment
A man and a woman do not have to want each other every day. Everyone can live through difficult periods when the head is busy with problems, and the forces are not enough even to talk, not that on sex. If the second partner has problems with self-esteem, he perceives rejection as a personal insult. Interprets this state as dislike, satiety, and begins to pester the partner with complaints and resentment, which only exacerbates the tension and detachment from intimacy. Healthy sexuality implies mutual understanding in the couple and the ability to satisfy their needs independently.
Both partners feel safe
First of all, of course, physical: everyone can be sure that the partner in a fit of passion will not cause pain (which was not initially agreed upon). But psychological safety is often no less important. Which implies a sufficiently developed sense of tact not to allow yourself derogatory comments about your partner's body, and, of course, not to discuss intimate details with strangers.
Sex is a pleasure for two
Those born in the USSR are often characterized by beliefs about the sinfulness of sex, that a "decent woman" will not allow herself to have fun with toys, domination and other experiments. That, of course, limits sexual pleasure and variety
But the other, opposite extreme is the attitude to sex as a way to earn the approval of the partner, to prove that nothing better in his life has not happened yet. This scenario can be chosen by girls who want to impress a man and become for him the best lover. They master a lot of chips, tricks, techniques and arrange in bed such a show, which can envy the writers of pornographic films. However, any attempts to prove something, to demonstrate something always create a lot of tension.
In this case, it is difficult for a woman to experience orgasm, because it is necessary to relax and allow yourself to be imperfect, which the "perfect lover" can not allow. In order not to become a victim of such a scenario, it is worth keeping the balance of priorities: sex is a pleasure for two. It is important to please your lover, but he will be happier if you experience complete satisfaction, immerse yourself in a state of trust and relaxation.
To summarize: not only the presence of orgasm determines the quality of sex. Since intimacy is, first of all, an emotional need, it is important for partners to get something deeper in bed, in addition to relieving tension. A sense of security, trust, love, understanding, tenderness, freedom, mutual desire, novelty and development. It is in your power to make sex just like that!
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