Statistics are ruthless: about 75% of men cheat on their regular partners. At least, these are those who admitted in various surveys and studies. If we assume that cheaters tend to hide their adventures, the figures may be even less pleasant. Why does cheating occur in stable, established relationships? What is it — boredom, the ordinariness of family life, a tribute to modern trends of freedom in relationships?
Reason #1: Sexual default
Simply put, sexual boredom. It comes when the relationship of people in a marriage is more like that of brother and sister. Intimate contacts are very rare, the sexual scenario is known to both in advance, right down to how the partner will behave after sex — who will turn away and snore, and who will be pulled to the refrigerator. And such a situation, when a person does not fully satisfy his or her sexual needs, is very dangerous for the couple.
Bright emotions want, but the wife is unfortunately not perceived as a sexual object. And instead of improving intimate life with his wife, there is a more “simple” way — intimate relations on the side. And again the bright emotions that have not been for a long time, again these butterflies in the stomach, excitement and excitement. So it turns out that, in fact, the real reason is that sex died in this marriage.
Reason #2: Existential crisis
This is a certain moment of reevaluation of one’s life achievements, which is also often called a midlife crisis. When everything in life has worked out well — career, stable income, car, family, children, vacation at sea, but suddenly there is a question: and what, and whether this is the kind of life I wanted? At the same time, age inexorably takes its toll, and in this hustle and bustle of life, a man suddenly realizes that he is rarely looked at as a sexual object other people. And he begins to miss it acutely.
By the way, this crisis is characteristic not only for men, but also for women. Basic needs are closed — there is a place to live, what to eat, you are socially realized and in demand, but youth is gone and along with it the attention and lust of strangers. At the same time, perhaps, sex in the family is not bad, but you want to experience the former emotions that are no longer there. You don’t want the attention of your current partner (he is already “yours”), you want to be “young, zadorny and ringing” for other people. Therefore, existential crisis with the acute need to regain the passing youth is also one of the reasons that lead to infidelity.
Reason #3: Psychological disharmony
This happens when a man feels that he is cooled to him, he is not interested in him, that there is nothing to talk about. He and his wife are just two cohabitants on the same living space, who may even have children, but there is no warmth and intimacy. There is no one to put your head on your shoulder, no one to hug, no one is waiting at home with borscht and cutlets, no one will ask how your day was. Psychological coldness, mutual detachment pushes him to find someone on the side who will accept, pity, understand, again say how beautiful he is, how good he is, show the warmth that is so lacking
Reason #4: Stereotypes about status.
In certain circles there is an opinion that the relationship on the side is a mandatory sign of maintaining status. Like, I am such an influential person, I have so much money, so much power and acquaintances, that somehow it is not decent for me to be a faithful family man, what will people think of me? It was especially common in the 90s — crimson jackets, gold chains, numerous contacts in bathhouses with girls of easy behavior. They did not occur because this sexual contact was so necessary, it was a certain element of lifestyle, maintenance of status. And despite the fact that the 90s have passed, there is a category of men in our country and in the post-Soviet space who still adhere to these views on life.
Reason #5: Decreased libido or low sexual constitution in the wife
This, like sexual default, is also a sign of sexual disharmony in marriage, when the need for sex in one partner (in this case, the man) is much higher than in the other. He needs intimacy on a daily basis, while his spouse needs it once every one and a half to two months, sometimes less frequently. In such a couple, the mismatch of their physiological needs can lead to infidelity. A partner whose libido is at a high level needs intimacy much more than his or her spouse can give him or her.
Reason #6: Mismatch in the range of sexual acceptability
This is primarily due to the fact that people are not able to talk to each other frankly on intimate topics. This is fraught when one person in a couple has a very wide sexual range, different sex is acceptable for him, and he is interested in it because of its variety. But he does not even talk about it with his partner, fearing to offend him, because the one such experiments seem excessive, his range of sexual acceptability is much lower
Or even they were able to talk, discuss sexual fantasies of each other, but one said a categorical no, the other is easier to realize their needs on the side than to try to find a compromise. This indicates not only sexual disharmony in the marriage, but also that in the psychological aspect these people can not trust each other and find the golden mean in such difficult situations.
Reason #7: The spouse was not initially a sexual partner
Was anything — a friendly shoulder, a business partner, a good father, but there was never any intimate attraction to his wife. Therefore, when a man psychologically satisfied his needs, found that warmth, that hearth, which he lacked, his initially frustrated sexual need comes to the fore. And he realizes that he has a wonderful wife, but he absolutely does not want a close relationship with her. He loves her, he is comfortable with her in everyday life, he does not want to divorce at all and retains all the good things in the marriage, but he seeks to satisfy his sexual needs on the side.
Discard illusions
Very rarely adultery happens spontaneously. Almost always it is preceded by psychological and sexual disharmony in the couple. If your relationship has deteriorated in these parameters, if you understand each other worse, your sex life has gone down, then these factors should alert you. They speak, among other things, about the potential possibility of infidelity.
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