"All men cheat" is a myth that is extremely popular in society. In reality, fidelity does not depend on gender, is not inherited, and is determined by the conditions of upbringing and personal choice of a particular person in a particular time period. And no matter what public opinion says, faithful men are not so rare.
How to find, identify and realize that he is faithful, tells our expert psychotherapist, psychiatrist, author of a useful blog in Instagram
Relatively faithful …
Fidelity is a social, moral and ethical and even philosophical concept, and therefore - relative: everyone puts something different into it. On the internal moral scales of one person a light flirtation is already cheating, and the other considers himself faithful if he retains a mental attachment to one woman and at the same time has a lot of sexual contacts on the side, but without emotional investment. Therefore, when concluding a union, it is necessary first of all to understand and determine what for each partner is faithfulness, and what is treason.
In the traditional understanding, fidelity excludes the possibility of extraneous relations for both partners. And it is always a personal choice of a person, a decision that everyone makes for himself, and during his life he does it many times, based on the changing situation. How to understand that your partner has made such a pleasant decision concerning you?
Do I have you alone?
Psychologists often try to systematize the behavior of a man in cases of his fidelity and infidelity, but invariably come to the conclusion that each case is unique and trying to define all under one comb is a flawed approach. For example, some cheaters feel guilty and try to atone for it with increased attention and care. Other men, having cheated, do not feel any guilt, so they do not make up for it and behave callously towards their wife. So there is no universal algorithm to "calculate" fidelity. But there are signs that with a greater or lesser degree of certainty can be assumed that this man at this time is faithful to this woman. All these signs are indirect, and characterize, rather, the type of man who tends to choose fidelity.
Five categories of fidelity
Every couple has a period of absolute, unquestionable fidelity. This is that romantic stretch of turbulent love, when thoughts and feelings are so fixed on one object that the psyche is simply unable to invest interest in someone else. And we can say for sure that at this moment the man is faithful. But time passes, the initial salutes lose their brightness, there is a decrease in emotional response to the usual stimulus, and absolute fixation on the object, and thus fidelity, becomes no longer so unconditional and obvious. It can be preserved if the man is characterized by:
Full involvement in the relationship
Even "down" from the peak of sexual activity, the partner is still included in all affairs that have already become domestic, and participates in all situations important to the woman. According to the classics - in sorrow and in joy, in sickness and in health. That is, the man continues to invest emotionally in the woman, strives to interact with her, is interested in her affairs, and is satisfied with intimate relations or is working to improve them
Principled loyalty
There is a category of men for whom cheating is a taboo in his internal moral code. "I do not want to cheat" is the attitude with which they live. Such are few, but they exist, and they consciously choose fidelity as a basic value in a relationship. Breaking themselves by changing their own principle is not something they want to do, so they don't have affairs on the side by choice.
But for some men, their own taboo is valid as long as they are internally convinced that they are in a relationship. Sometimes the union formally exists, but from the man's point of view the relationship is already exhausted, which means that communication with another woman becomes possible.
Self-realization model "Family man"
These men are easily recognized by their friends. As a rule, all are family-oriented, with strong relationships. The "Family Man" model was desired by them as a way of self-actualization even before the family took place. So having achieved what they want, they do everything to make this particular model flourish. And fidelity here is the key to its success.
Maturity and the ability to calculate consequences
These are men with a high degree of personal maturity. They realize that for impulsive actions will come to pay: pleasure is short-term, and the consequences are long-term. They are able to weigh the pros and cons and, if interested in a union with a woman, do not allow actions, the results of which are not favorable to them.
Stability and conservatism
Their life motto - one job, one hobby, one woman ... Recognize such a man can be recognized by his preferences in everyday life. He will choose a proven restaurant and order many times tried dish. When buying a new car will take the "old" brand. And wanting to know the news, will use a constant and trusted channel of information.
But no matter what category a man belongs to, the law of personal choice in each situation no one cancels. Life goes on, its conditions change, and people themselves change.
So how to realize that he is faithful?
We can approach the question of fidelity in a utilitarian way - not to delve into psychological types and categories, but to start from a literal concept: fidelity - the absence of infidelity. That is stability, which is first of all manifested in behavior. And here we can distinguish five main "stabilities" of a faithful man:
Stability of involvement in joint, family activities;
Stability of interest in the partner as a person;
Stability of satisfaction with intimate relationships;
Stability of lifestyle;
Stability of characteristic preferences.
When infidelity is present, it affects all areas of life and is broadcast by small episodic signals. But a mature woman, critically thinking and adequately assessing herself and her environment, is able to read and recognize them. Because she has no need not to see the truth. If the behavior and attitude of a loved one has changed, there must be reasons to do so
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